loneliness, just another way of hanging out?

i'm getting ready to deal with something that scares me alot. being alone. for three weeks. sounds childish and really immature but it's the truth. i reallu suck at being on my own, in fact tonight was the first night i've been by myself for a very long time, probably since i moved to london almost a year ago. the scary part is not feeling lonely but the time i have for myself to think about my life and all the decisions that i've made so far or have to make in the future.

i find it kind of ironic how people always tell me i'm so brave and honest and everyone think i'm this great partygirl when truly i'm just scared of dealing with myself
i'm scared of letting the person i love so very much getting to really know me because i'm afraid he won't love me the same way or maybe just think i'm fucked up and leave
and then i'd be alone

"i take the plane, spin it sideways
i fall, without you i'm nothing"

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